The good ol' days
by Mr. D 91
Summary: Oneshot. Captain Qwark saves a girl from danger. Rated for some sexual references.


The alley was dank and cold under the pinkish evening sky. The occasional garbage cans occupied spaces near graffiti-coloured walls. Like many alleys in the city, it had a dead end, something that could prove quite irritating. The space between the two apartment blocks was big and could fit five of the local vehicles if they were parked and facing the same direction.

It was in this particular alley that two male cazars were laughing their heads off. This was so, because one of them, who had very large and muscular arms, was carrying a struggling girl of young age. When they reached the wall that cut this alley off from another, the largest tossed the girl into it.

"Ugh!" she winced as her back met hard bricks. She looked up at the three men with green watery eyes, "W-What do you want from me?"

"Hehehehe," the shortest of the bunch chuckled. He was attired in a plain green sweater and torn blue jeans. His shoes were filthy and stained with the curious colour red. His eyes moved independently from one another, the right being the real one and the left being made of glass. He practically drooled. "You're a lonnnnnng way from Mommy, ehhhh?"

The blonde girl sobbed as he put his entire weight on her. "Wh-Why are you doing this?" She tried to fight him with dainty hands.

"Just shut yer trap and it'll be done quicker than ya think!" the big brute shouted, spitting saliva. His clothes were torn and raggedy. The small T-shirt around his large body had the word 'Scab!' imprinted on its centre. His teeth were a combination of green and yellow.

"Those li'l girls from yesterday were merely appetizers," the shorter one licked her neck grotesquely while tugging at her blouse. "I've been dying for some blonnnnnnnnnde girls all dayyyyy."

"Now, now, Mat," the third male, who had been silent all this time, said in a smooth masculine voice. "Don't hog her. We'd like a piece of the cake too, you know." He was dressed rather casually. Black and blue striped shirt with neat, grey slacks. He was also very tall.

'Mat' didn't stop looking at the trembling girl, but seemed to glare behind him with both eyes, "I get the first quarter!"

"'Third' you mean."

"Do I look like I care?" he retorted.

"Suit yourself," the taller one said, shrugging off his comrade's bad mathematic aptitude. "Watch for trouble, will you, Andrew?"

The big one narrowed his dirty brown eyes, "Why do **I **have to watch, Chris?"

"Does it make a difference?" the other one responded. "You'll get your turn soon anyway."

"Wh-What t-t-turn," the girl stammered. Her jade eyes were watery from fear and from the horrible aroma of Mat's alcoholic breath.

"Why, deflowering you, my dear," 'Chris' said with a white-toothed grin.

"Caaaaaaan I dooooo it nowwwww?" Mat was desperate as drool flowed out of his mouth like a fountain.

"Certainly."

"Alright!" Mat pulled at her blouse harder.

"No! Please!" the girl struggled under him uselessly. "Let me go!"

"HUSH!" he backhanded her across the face. He then grinned as he popped three buttons, "I lovvvvvvvve it when they struggle. Hehehehhehehehehehehe!"

Chris waited patiently while leaning against the wall. He noticed his other associate light a cigarette while he kept watch. He stepped towards him and pulled the stick out of his mouth.

"'Ey!" Andrew frowned. "Whassah big idea?.!"

"Don't kill yourself with these death sticks," Chris told him as he crushed the thing under his foot. "You'll need your lungs if you want to escape the cops again."

"That wasn't my fault!" Andrew explained. "It was Mat who was laughing too loud!"

"Just like you're yelling too loud," Chris retorted. "Lower your voice."

"Why? No one actually lives here?" Andrew gestured with widened arms.

"Still, you can never be too--" Chris stopped himself while his gaze travelled to the rooftops of the ghetto apartments. He noticed a dark figure dark backwards to avoid his line of sight.

"'Too' what, Chris?" Andrew hadn't seen it.

Chris didn't answer. He ran towards Mat and tried to pull him off the screaming girl he was enjoying. "Mat, we really have to leave!"

"But I'mmmmm soooooo close!" Mat held onto her squealing form. The girl's blouse was almost ripped off completely, exposing a bra. "Wait for me to finish her, and then you can have yourrrrr turnn!"

"No time!" Chris pulled the molester off her and to his feet. Mat slouched forward, probably used to walking on all fours. "We have to get going!"

As he turned around, he was horrified to see that Andrew was slumped against the wall, knocked out.

"Hey," Mat raised an eyebrow, "what's up with Drew?"

"Oh no…," it was just as Chris feared. He swallowed some bile and yelled, "Come out!"

"Eh?" Mat looked at him strangely with his good eye.

"I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!" Chris called louder.

"Who, man?" Mat asked.

The girl shivered against the wall.

"I SAID COME OUT!.!.!.!"

"Who're you yelling at?" Mat demanded. "You better have a gooooooood reason for disturbing me." He winked back at the victim.

A whistle sounded.

The two thugs looked.

A large, muscular figure stepped out of the shadows of a fire escape. He was dressed in green, full-body tights. In the middle of his costume, there was a blue and black atom with a lightening bolt that vaguely resembled a 'Q'. He wore a yellow belt around his waist and had an antenna on his head.

Mat jumped back in surprise. "You!" he pointed.

"Me," Captain Qwark jabbed a thumb to his big abs. "Leave that innocent civilian alone and turn yourselves in!" he heroically pointed at them with a huge finger. "If not, then I'm afraid I'll be forced to take extreme measures!"

"You 'n what army, bucko?.!" Mat hollered back. "I'm not letting this prize go!"

"This army!" Qwark tensed the muscles in his arms.

Chris squinted.

"Steroids won't scare me!" Mat ran at him on all fours, growling.

"Guess it's the hard way then," Qwark shrugged.

"Nraaaaagh!" Mat pounced at him, claws bared.

"HAH!" Qwark crabbed him in midair, swiftly spun on his heel, and threw him towards Andrew's unconscious body.

"UGGGGH!" Mat cringed at the feel of him hitting hard bricks. He lay motionless for a few seconds before letting out a monstrous growl and trying to hit Qwark again.

Qwark backed away from him in circles, keeping his eye on Chris. When Mat leapt, he grabbed his arms and held him in place.

"Rrrrgh!" Mat struggled, foaming at the mouth. "AAAAarrrr-AAAGH! LEGGO!" he spat…literally.

"Certainly," Qwark banged his head into the wall.

With a groan and a huge bump on the cranium, Mat slumped to the floor next to Andrew, knocked out. "….nnnnnghhh….," he groaned.

"PTOOIE!" Qwark spat and wiped his face. He immediately spun to face Chris, who, for some reason, hadn't moved from his place. "Give up?" he asked with his hands on his hips.

Chris looked at the girl who was still there. He had lost all interest in violating and then killing her, and just wanted to be anywhere else other then there.

"No," he said, "just let me and the boys through and we'll be on our way."

"Nuh uh," Qwark shook his masked head. "I'm taking you guys in, even if it kills me."

"That can be arranged," Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out a revolver.

"You're joking, right?" Qwark smirked.

Chris fired the gun.

Qwark rolled out of the way just in time. He jumped behind some garbage cans, keeping his head low. "Guess not." He spoke loudly for Chris to hear, "You're not seriously gonna use that weapon on me, are you? They're not even powerful enough to penetrate garbage can metal."

"I still have five shots left!" Chris bellowed.

Qwark came out from hiding with two garbage can lids held as shields.

Chris fired two rounds from his revolver, which were all deflected. He aimed at the unshielded parts of Qwark as the superhero got closer, but to no avail as the costumed man moved the 'shields' with incredible velocity. The tall thug only had one shot left. The cazar didn't have time to pull the trigger as Qwark grabbed it and crushed it in his hand.

Chris gasped and threw a punch. Qwark caught it, pulled him up to his level, and glared at him, "Game over, punk." And he did the same he did with Mat: throw him against a wall, knocking him out.

"….curse you…..Qwark…," and he was out like a light next to his friends.

Qwark dusted his hands off and turned to look at the girl, who had stopped crying. "It's okay," he help an arm out towards her for her to grab hold of, "I already called for help"

She sniffed and held onto his hand, letting a small smile pass her lips.

Qwark bent down on one knee to her level, "Don't worry; you're going to be alright. What's your name?"

"R-Rebecca," she responded.

"Well, Rebecca, the police will be here any second," Qwark said softly. "They'll take you home to your mother and father, okay?"

A sniff, then, "Okay."

"Good. Now, let's--" Qwark was cut off when Rebecca threw her arms around his neck in a hug.

"Thank you," she said sweetly.

Qwark couldn't win over the smile. "You're welcome."

Police sirens sounded in the distance, getting closer to the darkening alley.

Qwark gently got out of the hug, ran towards the alley wall, and equipped a Swingshot. He looked at Rebecca one last time and gave her a thumb's up before launching the hook towards the sky and swinging away.

"Look! Over there!" a galactic ranger was running through the alley.

"I see her!"

"Quick!" the first one reached her. "Get me some Nanotech!"

* * *

"And that's how I saved Rebecca from a fate worse than death!" Qwark finished telling his story as he jumped from the sink he was sitting on. 

Three testbots looked at him emotionlessly. One of them said something to the other in gibberish. After that, he waved Qwark off and moved away. The other two followed him.

"Wait!" Qwark called out to them. "I still haven't told you about the time I saved an entire train from crashing!"

They didn't come back.

The former superhero's antenna dropped. "It _was _true, y'know…" He sighed sadly.

_"Subject 23-A," _a voice called via intercom_, "please report immediately for Head-Shrinker testing."_

Qwark made for the door, "Well, duty calls."


End file.
